Friday, November 2, 2007
HOW I LERNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE CLIMATE CHANGE
"Lighten up." he sd. "Sure go ahead, spoil my bad mood." I sd. Anyhow you want the clown act, OK, here's the clown act: Yeah things aren’t that bad, we’re all in this together, except for a few billion people who suddenly decide to act like Republicans: “Screw you I’m getting mine.” Money money money that’s all we think about in a crisis. Before you leave the house in the morning you gotta consult the I Ka Ching. And things will get simpler. It’s no longer The Prisoner’s Dilemma: “Who do I cooperate with?”….it’s…. “Who do I give my radio to and what do I have for my last meal? Gee I can have anything I want, even stuff that gives me headaches and diarrhea….except it has to taste as good coming up as it did going down.” We’ll lose a lot of history. It’ll be like the whole world has Alzheimer’s. No memory, no problems. Yeah, whyncha just faggedaboudit? Friend of mine doesn’t want any more information about global warming. He just wants to know how much time he has left. Yeah time is gonna get to be a big deal. Hard to get much done without it. We have a TIME MARKET here. But they only sell food. And Self Storage is gonna be big too. We have hundreds of SELF STORAGE places but they only store stuff. That will have to change, big time. Crime. We must be expecting something, because we’re fascinated by it these days. What’s with all these crime scene dramas smoldering detectives looking thru smoldering ruins examining dead bodies for signs of life? Yeah she’s dead alright, yep, still dead, yep, really dead now, yep, too bad, nice tits, too, wanna go get somethin to eat? All those seething attitudes and tough guy silences….I KNOW it’s their job, don’t you think I KNOW that?! But do they have to be so DRAMATIC about it? I mean it’s just a job for chrissakes! Myself I dunno if I’ll ever die cause I can never find anything that fits me in a thrift store. Rush Limbaugh’s last broadcast, that’ll be something to look forward to: “Those liberals and those environmental wackos. They sure do make it look real don’t they? You gotta give em that. All we need here is a little more capital….hey who stole my Oxycontin? I’m not an addict. I only use it when I need it.” And Dr. Laura, “If you were a real man, you’d get a gun and go shoot the people who did this…. ….raised her son to be a gung ho army ranger…..giving it all for George Bush and Exxon…..smart guy tho, photographic memory and no future….” So we have a runaway greenhouse effect and the earth looks like Venus, 700 degrees in the shade. Hey, it’s not the end of the world, OK? Well thanks a lot, you’ve been a great audience, and I’m just saying that. Well goodnight everybody! Everybody! Who the hell is everybody? I don’t know you people. How’d you get in here anyway? SECURITY!!!!